TNT

Dreamers

Rebels

Wild youth

That's all we are 

That's all we've been

That's all we've ever known

Bricks I Wish I Had Thrown Through Your Window

Why I Can't Kill Spiders

I once threw a tantrum because my father killed a spider. That was nothing compared to watching someone you hold so dear suffer through cancer.

Death, to me, is more than just some abstract idea that one might be uneducated on. To me, death is alive. I have seen first-hand someone I would do anything for be alive, but when you look into their eyes all you see is emptiness.

...To this day I don't kill spiders

Hair was lost along with weight that wasn't there to lose. Hospital bills were stacked like mountains and hope sank seven miles to the deepest part of the ocean. Many masks were worn and many walls were built. Hospitals became homes and home became a vacation destination. This hellacious reality felt like eternity.

Now death never actually finished the job. All that's left now are scars on his stomach and scars in all over our barely beating hearts. There are moments I remember and moments I have tried to forget. I no longer have nightmares of fictional situations, I have nightmares that feel like déjà vu.

I rejoice that I no longer have to fear whether his death might be near. Although forever more will my reality of what death really is be altered.

What is Love?!?!

Here is to the man working from the cubicle. Painfully enduring long shifts trying to earn enough to support his wife and children. Putting their happiness before his own because that's what he calls love.

Here is to the single mom. Balancing 2 jobs while raising a family on her own. Doing all that she can to make ends meet. Going hungry some nights so that her children can feel the love she didn't get as a child.

Here is to the honeymooners. Not caring that they don't know how it's going to work out but trusting in love. They know that they are in love and that's all that matters to them right now.

Here is to the two men holding hands as they walk. Not believing all the world's rules on love. Living proof that love shouldn't be limited.  And although the papers don't show that they are, they are more in love than most couples dream possible.

Here is to the recess daydreamers. Swinging back and forth, up and down while their fingers are intertwined. Building sandcastle replicas of their future castles they will live in with their Prince Charming. Passing notes to one another with a check yes or check no section at the bottom. And that simple check of a box is their perspective of love.

Here is to the romance novelist. Who knows exactly what love should look like. So much so that she misses all the opportunities around her. She's determined to wait for love until her life becomes the inspiration for one of her books.  Forever daydreaming about what her love story will be.

Here is to those rebels out there who pair off before they are the sixteen. Who enjoy each others company in a way that is so baffling to their other friends but makes sense to them. A feeling strong enough to make them defy the set rules that have been made. But to them the feelings they have for each other could never be held by any guidelines.

Here is to the beach bum. Playing love songs on his guitar to the crowd on the street to provide him with the little he needs. He loves the new faces he sees every day and most importantly he loves his guitar. He doesn't need to fall in love to be in love.

Here is to the high school lovers. The ones the teachers have to separate in the hallways. Constantly fighting their parents who quote "you don't know what true love it". But to them, all they care about is each other and that's all the love they know and need. To them, it is true.

Here is to the child in overalls. Trying to write the best birthday card that he can to his mom for her to read the next day. Coloring all over it and misspelling a few words just trying to tell her how much he loves her. Signing his name with a love rather than a from just to let her know he loves her.

Here is to the grey haired couple celebrating 62 years of marriage. Receiving phone calls from their children and their new spouses congratulating them once again. And Of all the time that's been spent together they still manage to learn new things about each other. They have chosen to spend their whole lives together because they love each other so dearly.

And now here is to you. Loving in whatever way you are. Realizing there is no incorrect way to do it, just people with different ideas of what it should be.

Monday's

I tear up at the thought of Mondays.

  

(Monday Morning Blues)