the last will and testament of sgt. pepper

 

   If you are reading this it can only mean one thing...

   Sgt. Pepper is Sgt. Pepper no more.

   As part of my final adieu I have included some thank you's, some requests, some things you should know about me, and some last words I hope to be remembered for. It has been a beautiful feat writing as Sgt. Pepper but its time to be me, the real me. McKay Utley.

   ∆ Thank you for reading my work. All of you. And for taking the time to write your works yourself. It has been a privilege to be able to read your poetry, thoughts, and other posts.
   ∆ Thank you Nelson for being the teacher that you are. And for getting my creative juices flowing.
   ∆ Thank you Paris for letting me travel and treating me well. Thank you for teaching me so much.


   My final requests to you is not to forget Paris, don't forget to be yourself, and don't forget to live. I know that sounds a bit cheeky but far too often we go through life in a series of knee-jerk reactions and we end up as absurd people we never dreamed of becoming.



   Some things you should know about me

  ∆ If you really knew me you would know that I have an obsession with the man in the moon.
  ∆ If you really knew me you would know I drive a car that closely resembles a potato.
  ∆ If you really knew me you would know that I like simplicity.
  ∆ If you really knew me you would agree that I have been born in the wrong time area and my heart belongs to the 50's
  ∆ If you really knew me you would know that I have a gypsy soul.
  ∆ If you really knew me you would think I am obsessed with the mountains. You wouldn't be wrong
  ∆ If you really knew me you would know how bad I am at taking care of plants and cacti, but it doesn't stop me from still buying them.
  ∆ If you really knew me you would know that it's really hard for me to live in Alpine, Ut. as I am not active in church.
  ∆ If you really knew me you would know how obsessed I am with girls that can pull off the messy bun look
  ∆ If you really knew me you would see me for who really am and not the person you assume me to be.


   
   In the beginning I was scared to death of posting my works. Now looking back, it was a hell of a good thing for me. When I am old and grey I know I will look back at this experience and remember all these blogs, my pen name,  Paris, , my fat journal, and "THE YEAR OF NO MISTAKES". Thank you for traveling alongside me.

   Sgt. Pepper may not hide my identity anymore but I will always belong to The Lonely Hearts Club.


                               -Sgt. Pepper

  

6 ft holes

   it's brutal.

   it's lonely.

   it's all so surreal.

   it's a nightmare where being pinched doesn't wake you up.

       ....being pinched is nothing compared to what i
              feel right now.

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   we keep filling in those holes that the world has dug for you because we cant imagine living where      you are 6 ft in one.

   i have blisters from the shovel and bruises on my knuckles from the fights but i will not stop.

   i will continue to fight these many fights and fill in these holes until i am lowered into one myself.

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   but in the meantime, i will be here.

   giving my everything to ensure that you are here too.

please dont go, please dont go. i love you so, i love you so.

 

Stolen Time

thank you's I dont know how to say

  Thank you, Mr. Hawk, for climbing great heights to show me this world so many different way. 

  Thank you, sweet momma bird, for singing me to sleep all those many night.

  Thank you, big bear, for following all the humble ones while still beating to your own drum. 

  Thank you, Fred & Jessie, for being those friends every child needs. For all those nights I was scared of monsters in the closet and you were there for me. 

  Thank you, mountain man, for being everything I hope to someday be. 

  Thank you, miss flapper girl, for standing by my side over all these years. For laughing with me and crying with me. For looking at the stars and drawing the solar system on my arm. For being the most dear friend I could ever have. 

  Thank you, Emmylou, for giving me some of the greatest laughs of my life. For opening my eyes after they have been closed for so long and awakening my heart after such a long slumber. For seeing me as who I really am unlike so many do. 

  Thank you, sky, for the time we had. For getting me through the hardest chapter of my life and doing so with all the love you gave. And for being my partner in crime.

  Thank you, gypsy spirit, thank you for everything. Thank you for being such a beautiful soul and helping me follow my dreams. For being the adventurer you are and going along with all my crazy ideas. 

  Thank you, boy with the goat pants, for being my closest friend for all that time. For staying up way too late with me and writing and singing all those silly songs. For laughing like little boys do and for acting like boys do. 

  Thank you, dirty wire, for being so wise. For being that voice of reason and showing me my dreams can be more than just dreams. 

  Thank you, Mother Nature, for being my playground. For being the place of so many memories. For providing so many adventures and being my giving tree.

heart-shaped bruises

       When you look at the shape of my heart, It doesn't look the same as it did when I got it.

       It's no longer making the classic *thump thump, thump thump* rather a sort of *thu thump, thum thup*

       It carries with it a large collection of battle-wounds, scars, bruises, and cuts that have come from one heartbreak after another. Some worse than others.

       Only she... Her heart gave mine a Grand Canyon.

      So forgive me if my heart moves real slow, it's just that it's trying to recover from a natural disaster.

      I don't know what you think, you may think it's trash, just a broken and tattered machine. But to me, it's perfect. Even with the many band-aids and stitches it has, It's mine and that's all that matters. And forever will it be mine, beauty-scars and all.

 

Notes to Nature

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Worm Food

We will soon be nothing more than worm food and memories.

 And when the earth lays me down under her ground I don't want to be just worm grub to others. I want to be a memory. 

I want to have sucked the marrow from every bone. 

I want to have seized every damn day. 

I want to have been homeless because homeless people know and appreciate the streets better than most people do their own homes. 

I want to love. 

I want to get lost in nature. 

I want to have given second chances. And third. And fourth. 

I want to have cried when I wanted to cry and laughed even I wanted to laugh.

I want to have made people's day. 

 I want to have sang and skipped because life is too short to live it trying to please others. 

It's too short to live it doing anything that makes you unhappy. 

After all, we will soon all be nothing more than worm food and memories.